Are They Friends Or Foe?
Watch them:
Yes, you know what this means. But for those who don’t, it simply means to watch their actions and reactions. Lies, stories and how well they attend the conversation. Many are like me, people watchers. I am not looking for the next serial killer ( even though I am sure I have encountered a couple ) but quite the opposite. I am looking for human emotion, understanding and maybe a reason to continue my research in human to human interaction.
The CIA and many other forms of government across the world have studied this for some time. They can tell if your nervous, anxious or depressed. But we can all see these signs if we slow down our daily routine and watch.
Back to the subject. I have been known to keep my family circle completely impenetrable by vetting the new friends who would like to know more about me or be a part of my life. Does this person seem to be interested in one individual? Does this person have reserves about the topics that we discuss as a family? Does this person have anything to gain being in your family?
I ask these questions as I first meet the new person near my family because my family is my life and I hope that many of you can say the same. We will discuss the latter if you said “no”. I want this person to be intellectual, willing to learn, willing to teach and even say what some refuse to say.
Is this person interested in one individual. I believe that this could be for two reasons. One: The new person is ( what they believe to be ) chemically connected to the individual sexually or non sexually. Two: The individual makes the new person feel secure, grounded, safe or seems to be easy to communicate with.
1:) You may think “ sexual chemistry?”. Well yes. Humans consume pornography on an astronomical scale so it is apparent that sexual thoughts are always a part of us and for some, more frequent. It is well within the human form to be so attracted to someone that you would do anything to gain trust and try to begin a new relationship, regardless of who is in the way. I feel as if this is my biggest problem with new people and sometimes you have to set the mood to make sure the point is being made clearly.
2:) Most people tend to gravitate towards safety and security. For instance, a friend invited you to a Thanksgiving dinner. You stand alone, waiting for an opening. You move towards the friend who had invited you, arms crossed or in your pockets. You initiate a conversation with your friend and try to calm your nerves, maybe even laugh nervously as you peer around the room to see who notices you. Once you have successfully integrated yourself into the life of this family, you can start to relax but not completely as some of the family appear to be hostile or unapproachable. As the night progresses, talks take place with different family members and eventually you can sit and breathe. The one who invited you is your safe and secure place until you see fit to move about. New people and new places always appear more daunting at first glance. Once you dedicate yourself, the possibilities become a reality.
Does this person appear to be reserved about family topics? Understanding why someone would have reserves about discussions may be a difficult topic to crush but here goes. I have noticed that more people have had broken homes or abusive parents then I have ever realized. I have broken this down into (3).
1:) This person may have never experienced conversations of another family and does not understand how to enter the topic without sounding off key, especially if they had been abused or mocked for announcing their feelings or insecurities. This is a real story from one of my childhood friends.
Setting the scene: The child had been made fun of at school today. Upon entering the home, the child was crying. The father ( who had been drinking ) grabs the child by the arm and says, “ I will give you something to cry about” without asking a very simple question. “ What is wrong” or “ What happened”. The father then carried the child into the kitchen and slammed them down on a chair. The crying intensified until the child had difficulty breathing. The mother then came home from work and noticed her child crying. The mother lifted the child off the chair and began the relief process. The father then rushed over to the mother and delivered a backhand to the mother. Both the child and the mother had fallen to the ground.
Later in life, I learned that the father had a very abusive family as well. The child in this story was also sexually molested and raped by her uncles and family friends. At ten years old, the child had been having sexual relations with older men and subsequently thought there were no issues with what was happening. This is transferable and sometimes nonrefundable. We must see the situation for what it is and know how to begin the process of deciphering the problem to form a healthy conclusion.
2:) Discussing topics that are unsettling. This is the type I have encountered along with number (1). When families discuss their children, sometimes anatomy becomes the subject. From growing females who start the minstrel cycle or young men who begin to masturbate. I have noticed the person leave the room with red cheeks or a ghost white face.
Truth is, we have to understand that these conversations make others uncomfortable. Even so, we are in the comfort of our own home and the conversations could go any way. The person may feel as if it is wrong or distasteful but I feel as if it is ok to discuss natural feelings and everything that is involved with it. We must comes to terms that it is normal to have feelings that lead to masturbation or that the father or mother can buy condoms or tampons.
On that note, I have taught my son and the children in my life that they do not need to become involved in adult conversations. We make sure to send them outdoors or downstairs into the “ Band Room” before starting that discussion. We MUST keep them innocent as long as we possibly can.
Children are the most pure being on this planet. That is, until they are taught differently. The cardinal rule ( pardon my language ) “ You never f**k with children”.
3:) They are just not interested.
The last question is my favorite.
What does this person have to gain by being a part of our family? This topic is really cut and dry. The person gains so much support, love and understanding. We discuss topics that make you think, challenge your way of thinking and honestly make your day better. Aside from awkward conversations, we partake in talk about religion, life lessons, raising children, budgeting, building relationships, struggles and happiness. This person will gain a support system if they are struggling with addiction. This person will gain the love they have never experienced. This person will gain straight forward input that challenges your perspective. And hopefully, this person will do the same for us.
Thank you all for reading. This takes time to collect and I hope that I challenge you to challenge me. I hope that I may have helped those who need it most. Be Safe, Be Kind. We are only HUMANS!
